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Author:
Cheb

An Unsuitable Person

* * *



A/N#1: Calling Shampoo an “Amazon” is wrong (although funny, I must admit Viz did good). Whenever I call her an “amazon” it's a characteristic, not a nation name — thus the lower case.

A/N#2: It was discovered recently that calling Shampoo's maces “bonbori” is utterly wrong, it's a mistake stemming from the early fanon: bonbori is a lamp. Some people moved to using word “chiui”, while I prefer plain “maces”.

A/N#3: Kunou's wooden sword is called “bokuto” (if you do not believe me, just watch anime and listen). I don't have a slightest idea why it became widely known as “bokken” (although these two words are the same).

Chapter 5

(Where a holy anti-pervert war is waged.)

* * *

“Tendou Akane, you shall not be so hasty! Our love must remain pure and romantic!” Kunou ranted, showing a glaring discrepancy between word and intention: holding not-Akane bridal style he was about to leave the school grounds at a good speed. Luckily, there was an obstacle waiting him at the gates.

“Youuuuu...!” Akane-Shinigami growled, addressing either one or both of them. Not-Akane's eyes widened in horror, her hair standing straight up. The body owner loomed a charcoal shadow outlined by the crimson bonfire of battle aura, and only the eyes, these terrifying white eyes, glowed on her shadowed silhouette, the killing intent was so powerful that a few nearby schoolboys had trouble breathing.

“Don't be afraid, oh Tendou Akane,” Kunou tried to proclaim proudly, but his voice gave a squeak. One needn't be a medium to see the hazy blur where the very air boiled, overcharged with spirit energy, to notice the waves of dust rolling along the sidewalk from one very, very scary point in the school gates. Even the birds fell silent, feeling the menace radiated from there.

“Keep behind my back, I shall slay the evil spirit!” Kunou hastily put not-Akane onto her feet, pulling out his bokuto. She stumbled a couple steps back: unlike him, she saw the horror in every detail.

Trying to reassure himself, Kunou made a thrust with his sword, missing Akane widely. She grabbed bokuto with her left hand. Kunou tried to pull the wooden sword free, but he was no match for Akane's strength increased tenfold by her rage, so he stumbled, moved against his will.

“Youuuu...!” The death-promising white eyes glared beyond Kunou, at the terrified not-Akane who backed slowly, forgetting about her ability to outrun a race horse.

“Begone, fiend!” Kuno cried out, getting a better grip and trying to use all his weight to pull the sword free. Akane shifted her mad glare at him and the kendoist shuddered, despite not seeing anything except the bonfire of battle aura, with each moment more noticeable to the untrained eye. The wooden blade in Akane's hand began to smoke and crack.

Not-Akane gathered her wits at last, dashing blindly away. Unknowingly, her legs carried her towards the school.

“You won't best the scion of noble House Kunou!” Tatewaki reminded, very inopportunely, of his existence. Bokuto in Akane's hand broke with a sharp report. Kunou had no time to stare at the broken sword, Akane swept him aside with a brutal fist to his jaw, dashing after the treacherous body. He plowed the grass up to the ring of onlookers where he lay still, moaning.

“Akane, stop! calm down!” Rukia cried, gasping for air and silently berating the wise-guys who decided that gigai should copy all the limitations of human body so thoroughly.

Akane didn't listen, accelerating after the runaway body with the grace of a freight train. Not-Akane stopped glancing back over her shoulder just in time to see the approaching wall of the school building. The body owner breathed at her neck, the crowd hastily parting at her approach.

Not-Akane made a desperate jump, barely clearing the roof of the four-storied school.

Akane emitted a dull roar, crashing into the wall and breaking a huge hole, Ryouga-style. A dense dust cloud erupted from the hole, obscuring her further progress.

“Stop! Calm down!” Rukia called to her, running as fast as she could. “Think what are you doing!” She disappeared in the dust cloud, heading toward the breach.

The gasps, gossip and wildest assumptions started circulating through the crowd. And only the despaired janitor was banging his head against the wall. Not again! Oh gods, not again! How, just how he stained his karma enough to deserve all of this?

* * *

Not-Akane fled, roof-hopping at her limit, the terrifying image of the body owner burned forever into her mind. Who could think she'd find her so soon? And become so enraged? That was just an innocuous flirtation, really-really!

She forced herself to calm down, slowing her mad flight. Stumbling and breaking her neck now would surely lead to her being captured and disposed of. She hesitantly stopped on the roof of an one-story house surrounded by small garden. Pursuit nowhere in sight, she jumped onto a narrow street squeezed between the concrete and stone fences.

* * *

Shampoo was first to notice the Hollow at the canal, she rushed him right away: there was no stalling, the monster already assaulting a bunch of kids of junior school age. Luckily, all he did yet was scaring them.

“Bugger!” Ukyou swore, pulling out the signal flare. She closed her eyes and pulled the cord. The flare emitted a mighty puff of smoke, instantly blocking her view.

“You run!” Shampoo yelled at the children. “Shampoo hold the evil spirit!”

The kids milled uncertainly right between the legs of a huge, hairy spider, his multi-eyed mask adorned with an ugly, wide-toothed grin. Shampoo attacked him without breaking her run, slamming her maces... into the thin air? Only with incredible effort she prevented herself from falling into the canal, her maces leaving two deep dents in the chain-link fence. Twirling, she found the Hollow nearby, on top of the fence separating the street from someone's yard.

“Scram, kiddos,” Ukyou told them in a friendly manner, appearing from the smoke cloud. “A great battle will begin here now.”

This one the kids understood perfectly. The fights of mighty martial artists in the Furinkan vicinity were widely gossiped of, despite not many people actually seeing them due to sheer size of the district. As it always goes, the gossips were often blown out of proportion, so the kids ran, unwilling to stay on the street soon to be leveled to the ground by two crazy aunts. They turned to a perpendicular street leading away from the canal, disappearing from view.

“Ahh, at last someone able to see me!” the Hollow hissed in joy, his hairy legs fiddling in agitation. “And not a Shinigami, but a common, edible humans!” he added, fussily climbing down to the street.

Shampoo just took a more aggressive stance, ready to rush the enemy any moment. Ukyou pulled out her warded throwing spatulas, initiating her technique: “Quincy Art Revised...”

“What?!” screeched the startled Hollow. Shampoo hadn't even time to rush him as he fell on Ukyou, simply blinking through the twenty meters separating them. “You little skunk!” he spat venomously. Forced to interrupt her technique, Ukyou dropped the warded throwing spatulas, dodging desperately. “Try using your bow now, in melee, Quincy!” he dared her, driving her back under the furious onslaught of his four clawed feet. A moment later she drawn her big battle spatula, but it didn't help much: unprepared, the weapon was good only for deflecting the opponent's blows, unable to harm spiritual beings without proper warding. “I'm not a some third-rate critter, I'm a phase spider!” the monster boasted.

Ukyou saw Shampoo ready to attack and began shifting to the left, turning the enemy's back to the amazon. The Hollow swallowed the bait like an amateur, fully giving to his desire to get Ukyou and screeching something about hit dices and poison that no saving throw would save her from. Shampoo crashing into his unprotected back was a complete and very painful surprise for him. He howled and shifted his weight onto the four forelegs, kicking at Shampoo with the his long hinder legs. But she already jumped away, ready for that. This moment of distraction was all Ukyou needed to grab a warded throwing spatula from the ground and slash at his right foreleg. With a flash of blue fire, the leg was cut cleanly off. Ukyou dropped the red-hot spatula, its ward charred. “I'm not a Quincy!” she shouted, jumping back in anticipation of counter-attack. “Remember this, bastard, and don't you dare to equate me with those dumb crusaders...”

The Hollow, against all expectations, didn't attack Ukyou. He blinked again, and Shampoo unexpectedly had a hairy insectile ass stuck almost in her face, emitting a stream of sticky liquid. Shampoo rushed forward, pulling her maces back for a good upward blow, but the liquid congealed in a fraction of a second, turning into sticky strands. Shampoo found herself glued to the chain-link fence, arms bound helplessly at her sides.

“Ah, you didn't expect that?” the Hollow asked her archly. “Oopsie, this ability wasn't in my character sheet...”

“Shampoo kill!” the amazon roared, with inhuman effort breaking the webbing' resistance. The strands tying her arms and maces began to burst.

“As if!” the Hollow replied with a derisive snort, emitting one more, much longer, stream of webbing that glued Shampoo dead to the fence and covered her mouth.

“Quincy Art Revised...” Ukyou had time to prepare a third spatula, pulling now her ki sling.

“Uh-oh... Time to go!” exclaimed the Hollow.

“...Kuonji Soul Sling!” Ukyou finished her technique releasing the spatula at once. Blue fire blazing, it flew directly at the Hollow's forehead like an angry comet, passed the space it occupied just a fraction of moment ago and hit Shampoo's side with a silent flash. Shampoo jerked, twitching and convulsing in her web bonds.

“Well, I'm off, I'll better snack on the kids,” the Hollow said mockingly, sitting a dozen meters to the side. “These brats aren't even tasty, but I prefer my head on my shoulders!” He blinked again, disappearing from sight.

“Shit!!!” Ukyou swore heartily, never being known for politeness of her speech. She almost dashed after the Hollow but noticed just in time that Shampoo had both her mouth and nose covered. The amazon was already past the blue hue, well on the way to purple. So, her twisting wasn't due to wound from the spatula — a shallow cut, already baked over as could be seen through the hole in her shirt. Shampoo's side was slightly scalded by the spiritual burst, but that was a mere nuisance — it would heal in no time. Provided she had that time.

“Hold on, I'll pull you out!” Ukyou called, running up to Shampoo and trying to rip the sticky strands from her face. No use: she had no more luck than if she was trying to break many layers of scotch tape. Ukyou pulled out a sharp throwing spatula and began hacking...

* * *

“Where... Where's that thing?” Akane growled, stumbling a bit but stubbornly moving forward like a tank. The second wall of the school building, the schoolyard fence, a few other fences were left behind with holes befitting Ryouga. Her battle aura kept blazing like a bonfire, surreptitiously turning almost black .

“Will you calm down!” Rukia gritted, ready to pull her hair out. “You cannot blaze your power uncontrolled like this! You aren't in a body that dampens your spiritual power, you're a spirit now, a slip like this would cost you tenfold!”

“Tried... knock me up... the trollop...” Akane mumbled incoherently, stumbling again, her black garb burned with the blazing battle aura, her hair starting to curl at the ends..

“Do you understand that nothing will save you if you won't stop now?!” Rukia screamed at her. “What are you planning to do? Kill her? Finish your own body off? That is what you want?”

Akane turned to her, burning her through with these unseeing eyes full of insane rage. Rukia shuddered, almost taking a step back. Then she grabbed Akane by the sleeve, intent to turn her towards a nearby storefront: “Look...”

The sleeve tore off, falling to ashes as Rukia jerked her singed hand back. The situation was even worse than she thought. Gathering her courage, she grabbed Akane by her burning hot shoulder, turning her toward the storefront with a hard jerk: “Look at yourself! You're burning! You're already burning yourself out!”

Akane stared at the reflection, uncomprehending. An ugly rictus stared back at her, veins bulging, white-hot eyes burning with vile hatred. The reflection's hair billowed in the flaming aura having already burned a few holes in her black garb, the white collar of the undergarment browning. The missing sleeve revealed an arm bulging with barbaric muscles, veins prominent under the reddened skin.

“Do you want your fiancé seeing you like this?” Rukia asked quietly, rubbing her burnt hand.

Akane shuddered, understanding crashed into her like a bucket of icy water. This monster in the storefront, it was her reflection! It was her! Akane shut her eyes tightly, shaking her head in denial. Her battle aura fizzled out, fear replacing the rage.

“I hoped you'd notice it for yourself,” Rukia said with a relived sigh. “When your soul dwells in your body, the latter acts as a conductor for your reiatsu, limiting and dampening its flow. Passing through the body, reiatsu becomes ki, which is limited by how much your body is trained. But when you leave your body, nothing holds your reiatsu back. You become stronger, but can burn yourself out if you are careless.”

Akane warily cracked one eye open and immediately felt relived, seeing her usual self in the reflection. Granted, she was charred, haggard, with dark bags under her eyes — but it was still herself, not a some sort of brutal monster.

“Controlling one's power is the most essential thing for any Shinigami,” continued Rukia. “Now you understand?”

“Yes, sensei,” Akane wheezed, downcast.

“Good. Now we need to... The flare!”

“Where?” Akane jerked upright.

“Look! Over there!” Rukia pointed at the faraway smoke pillar over the rooftops. “Come on! The Hollow wasn't alone, just as I thought!” She rushed toward the smoke pillar.

“Not alone?” Akane asked with anxiety, speeding to follow her.

“It happens from time to time if Hollows emerge not from the space between worlds where they usually hide, but from a breach to... their home world.”

“So there is a whole world of Hollows?” Akane shuddered, running. “You told me only about the material world and Soul Society...”

“You forgot there's Hell yet,” Rukia reminded her. “Less talking, save your breath.”

Alas, they had a fair distance to run.

* * *

Not-Akane glanced from side to side warily, walking down a narrow street walled with high concrete and stone fences. Suddenly a gaggle of kids ran in the opposite direction. Then a spider-like Hollow emerged from nowhere.

“Where are you going, kiddies?” the monster drawled mockingly. “I still hadn't my breakfast yet.” He let out an ugly giggle. “Ah, they can't hear me anyway. I should stop playing with my food, it's time to... Huh...?”

Not-Akane firmly stood in his way, crossing her arms. “You won't go any further,” she informed him.

“Ah, one more!” the Hollow exclaimed in joy: obviously, the loss of one appendage didn't teach him anything. “Just wonderful, a normal soul instead of these stumps!” He blinked, appearing behind not-Akane and releasing a spurt of sticky liquid... harmlessly splashing over the street.

“Wha...?” he stared, stupefied.

Not-Akane rebounded from the street lamp, adding to the gravitation pull. Tumbling in the air like a spool she crashed into the monster heel first, further increasing the strength of her blow. He howled, slammed belly first into the road, his legs buckling. The girl jumped away, landing a good distance from him.

“You don't know who you're crossing!” the Hollow hissed, raising to his legs but still staying turned his back to her — the eyes on the back of his head came in handy. “I'm not a some weakling! I'm a phase spider!” He blinked, and two rows of flat, porcelain-white teeth snapped where her head was a moment ago. A long leg armed with two huge claws lashed at the girl crouched low in her dash, ripping a shallow tear in her back.

She swiveled, changing her direction, and rushed back at the Hollow, burnt rubber of her soles staining the street. He barely had time to rear his forelegs back for a strike, but she was already under him, hitting him with her leg in a tumble. He howled, thrown a few meters into the air, but then blinked again, putting his gaping maw right at her way. Not-Akane dodged by jumping straight up, aiming to slam into his back from above. Her outstretched foot pulverized the asphalt, while he released a spurt of webbing almost point-blank. She dodged with a desperate dash, simply outrunning the sticky stream.

At this moment, Rukia and Akane appeared on the scene.

“What are you doing?!” Akane bellowed, noting the large bloodstain on the girl's back. “Whose body it is, you think?”

“Akane...” Rukia warned her.

“Yes, sensei,” she deflated instantly.

“Aw, crap! A Shinigami!” the Hollow complained loudly, blinking and appearing on the roof of a nearby house. “We didn't agree for that!”

“Be careful,” warned Rukia. “He has an ability not unlike shunpo, the flash step.

“Exactly!” the Hollow puffed up in pride. “I'm not a some run-ou-of-the-mill mob, I'm a phase spider!” For a moment he looked thoughtful. “Why am I running away? Why should I be afraid of some Shinigami?” He arrogantly blinked back to the street, facing Akane and Rukia, with not-Akane behind him.

Akane unsheathed her Zampakuto and stared at it dubiously, seeing it blackened and melted in places.

“You'll meditate on your failures later,” Rukia interrupted her. “Now focus on your opponent.”

“Yes, sensei,” Akane replied quietly, assuming a stance.

“Feh,” the Hollow blinked, emerging right in front of her. Akane blocked his teeth with her katana, thrown back a bit, her straw sandals hissing against the asphalt. The Hollow blinked, appearing behind her, a spurt of webbing flew at her back.

“Watch it!” shouted not-Akane. Akane had no time to turn around, but Rukia shielded her with her body, jumping in front of the stream and throwing her arms wide. Some of the webbing still reached Akane, but she quickly slashed at the sticky strands connecting her to Rukia, severing them.

“Do you see now?” the Hollow asked, laughing. “You have nowhere to run! I'm able to move where I want, when I want...”

“And unable to turn while doing it,” not-Akane finished for him with a smirk, walking up to Akane and Rukia. “You always reappear turned your ugly face in the same direction.”

“Dammit...!” The Hollow stumbled back, shocked. “You've figured me out! But how...?”

“It's enough not to be blind!” yelled not Akane, with inhuman speed rushing into the narrow space between his hairy backside and fence.

“Hey! Don't you dare risking my body like that!” Akane barked at her, rushing at the monster's other side.

“Bugger!” howled the Hollow, too long to fit the narrow street perpendicularly. He blinked to Rukia, threating to bite her head off, but she dodged him even wrapped in webbing and glued to the spot: she first bent down, then threw herself back, falling under him. She didn't get off completely unscathed, judging by the sound her head made hitting the street. Akane and not-Akane rushed him along the walls, attacking him from the front his time. He tried to bite and slash with his legs, but couldn't hold his own against those two. Very soon Akane managed to cut his last right foreleg off, severely limiting his melee capabilities. The crippled monster replied by blinking to their backs and spraying the street with webbing indiscriminately. Not-Akane dodged by jumping straight up, while Akane was instantly glued her back to the wall —  here went the absolute strategic advantage.

“Ha-ha-ha-ha! Got a fly for my dinner!” the Hollow drawled, and blinked again, to face Akane maw-first.

She tried to slash with her katana, but her hands with Zampakuto had too little free action, tied with sticky strands together, to her shoulders, to the wall - only the blade was free of the web, but that wasn't nearly enough. She tried to bull her way through the web, but the usual rush of strength wasn't coming: she probably burned it all out earlier. All her attempts to get free just led to her right, naked shoulder getting firmly glued to the wall.

“Well...” the Hollow sighed theatrically. “Itadakimasu!”

“Hey, ugly!” a voice reached from above. “Didn't you forget something?”

“Huh?” The forgetful monster raised its muzzle to see the smirking not-Akane on top of a lamppost. “Ah, it's you. Don't worry, I'll eat you next. Hmm... And again, itadakiYAAAAAH!” He howled in pain, rearing up, then fell onto his back, rolling from side to side and flailing his legs in the air. Akane saw a big smoking hole where the webbing was coming from prior.

“Ah, I didn't mean myself.” Not-Akane smirked. “I meant them.” She pointed at Shampoo and Ukyou, visible to her but hidden from Akane by the Hollow's bulk.

“Akane, why are you in this form?” Ukyou asked her with suspicion. “Plan to stay aside while we do all the dirty work?”

“Your Akane is over there,” she waved downwards dismissively. “The fearless Shinigami is glued to the wall like a fly.”

“Hey!!!” Akane shouted in indignation, glued to the wall like a fly.

“Qincieeee!” the Hollow screamed, windmilling his legs in the air. “Noo! Don't come closer! Go away! Shoo! Aaah!”

With a savage cry of “I'm NOT a Quincy!”, Ukyou emerged on top of his belly. Battle spatula in her hands blazing with blue fire, two seconds later the Hollow had nothing to windmill with. He shrieked out like a little girl and lost his consciousness.

“Yeah, just trust you with something...” Ukyou noted acidly, looking at the neo-Shinigami and ex-Shinigami glued all over the street.

Then she was joined by some half-naked, short-haired...

“Shampoo?!” Akane exclaimed, her eyes bulging. “What did... Oh, gods...”

Shampoo's shiny hair was roughly cut approximately at the shoulder length, her face and left side angry red. She sported only her pants and brasserie... and a very dirty look. Akane gulped nervously.

“Let's free her and finish this,” Rukia put her word in, glued in a spread-eagled position to the street.

Ukyou jumped off the Hollow, walked up to Akane and tried to cut the Shinigami free with her smoking battle spatula covered with charred paper wards. The weapon just stuck in the sticky strands.

“Why do they cut the Hollows like a butter but stick in this... stuff?” complained Ukyou pulling out one of her smaller spatulas. Soon it became evident that they'll have to free her like Shampoo: by ripping her out of her clothing glued dead to the wall. And still it was a long and painful work, as they had to tear her right arm and shoulder from the wall, followed by her left elbow. The short sleeves of the Shinigami uniform did a bad service here. Ukyou didn't bother with Akane's hands glued together and to the Zampakuto's hilt, she just shredded her outer, black kimono and untied the belt, then plucked Akane out of her hakama like a carrot out of garden-bed. Akane was left in the white under-kimono barely reaching her knees, now browned and burnt in places.

Akane winced, looking back at the remains of her garb to check if she left a shred of two of her skin there.

Shivering and stumbling awkwardly, she crawled over the Hollow, not wanting to stain herself as the street at the left and right of him was blocked by a tangle of cut off legs. She raised her sword...

“Noo! Please, not Baator! Only not Baator!” the Hollow screeched, waking up most untimely. Akane slashed at his mask and he peacefully dissolved into thin air.

“What that was about?” Ukyou asked, surprised.

“I have no idea,” Akane replied, pulling her hands apart with relief: with the Hollow gone, all the webbing just dissolved into thin air.

“I too,” admitted Rukia, walking up to them. “Many things I saw, but I never heard of such place.”

“Go take maces,” Shampoo said over her shoulder and roof-hopped away.

Akane glanced around and hurried towards what was left of her garb. While she was donning the almost intact hakama and sheathing the sword, not-Akane silently jumped down from her post and tried to flee unnoticed.... And plunged forehead first right onto Urahara's cane which passed through her head like a phantom.

Urahara deftly caught the extracted soul pill and carefully lowered Akane's unmoving body onto the ground.

“That's it, mission accomplished!” he said to his companions: a mustached giant, a boy with spiky red hair and a huge iron bat, and a quiet girl with a huge wrapped object slung over her shoulder, covered completely with paper wards.

“And I so hoped for some action!” groused the boy.

“Hey!” Akane's shout reached them. “What are you doing?”

“Umm... Taking back the defect goods?” Urahara replied with levity.

“Goods?” Akane mumbled, taken aback. “What do you plan to do with her?”

Urahara turned to her, suddenly serious: “Dispose of it, like it was done with others. I don't know how it got into a pack of common artifical souls, but she almost brought a disaster.” He made a point of glancing at the blood-soaked hole in Akane's school dress.

“Dispose of it?” Akane asked in disbelief. “But... Wait, she is a something else, not just an artificial soul suddenly gone nuts?”

“Don't say such nonsense,” Rukia told her. “An artificial soul could never 'go nuts'. No, it's a mod-soul, a remainder of one old, canceled project. They planned to create a whole series of souls, each had some aspect greatly improved: one was super-strong, another was super-intelligent, yet another one could run fast, and so on. Then these souls should have been put to dead human bodies left by their souls, and fight Hollows. The project had been canceled due to ethical reasons, all created mod-souls were destroyed right in the lab.

“Look, Akane, look,” Ukyou spat, her words oozing contempt. “This is the true face of your new friends. To create an army of mutated souls, for their own convenience, then slay them all, again for their convenience, just to stay clean. Look, Akane, Look as they'll destroy the one who risked her life to protect the kids!”

“What?!” Akane gasped, unable to absorb the shock.

“Or do you think Shampoo would agree to cut her hair so easily?” Ukyou mercilessly refused to ease on her. “It's a great disgrace for an amazon, a sign that she allowed enemy to best her. She wouldn't do that even if her life depended on it. Only the need to protect the kids could force her.”

“The kids...?” Akane whispered. “Wait... we met them on the way here, I even thought what they're running from...” Her eyes lit with understanding. “So she risked my body to protect someone, not for the sake of bluster...?” She turned to Urahara, her eyes flashing with anger. “Give her back immediately! I won't allow you to destroy her!”

“Well, no need to dramatize,” Urahara backed from her with a nervous chuckle. “This is a law, after all...”

“A law you have nothing to do with,” Rukia parried, deftly plucking the pill from his hand, “operating well beyond its limits.”

“Are you sure you want to take all responsibility?” Urahara asked her. “We'll deny our involvement if any trouble comes.”

“Better be glad Xianpu isn't here,” Rukia replied levelly. “Didn't you think that this...” She flicked up the pill held with two fingers, “This person is a warrior who achieved victory where Xianpu failed and disgraced herself?”

“Oops...” Urahara's eyes bulged. “I almost did it.” He bowed to Rukia. “My gratitude, you saved us from an unnecessary confrontation. If you ever need any help...”

“No, the gratitude is mine,” Rukia bowed in reply. “By the way, here comes Xianpu... Don't you think we should fix that wound before Akane returns to her body?”

“Well...” Urahara sweatdropped, seeing that the promised help is already called for, “I think, Tessai could easily fix such a trivial thing.”

The taciturn giant just nodded.

* * *

“Done!” exclaimed Akane, putting down the needle and tread and handing Rukia a stuffed... something. An uninvolved observer would only recognize this object having a head with small beads for eyes and an even number of appendages. Rukia wasn't an uninvolved observer, though. “What a cute bunny!” she exclaimed, assuring the universe holding its breath that yes, these were ears, not a third pair of legs.

Rukia put the mod-soul pill into the mouth of the stuffed abstraction, and it woke, jumping onto its fabric legs.

“Yaaay! I'm alive! Alive!” the nameless soul jumped up and down in joy. “Thank you, onee-chan!” She looked at herself and sweatdropped. “You've even sewn me this body of a wonderful... err... stuffed squid...

“It's a bunny!” both Rukia and Akane exclaimed in indignation.

“I'm sorry! I'm sorry! I didn't mean that!” she squeaked. Then added under her breath: “So that's why I can barely move these tentacles. They're ears, in fact.”

“Well, Kai-chan,” Akane told her, “you will be living with us now. Just remember, don't talk when daddy, Nabiki or Kasumi could hear you. Just pretend to be a stuffed toy, got it?”

“Kai-chan?” Rukia asked her.

“Well, she is a mod-soul (kaizo kompaku),” Akane explained. “Thus, 'Kai-chan'.”

“Hmm, I like it!” noted Kai. “Ah, thank you very much! Now I even have a name!”

“You will follow Akane everywhere,” Rukia assigned her a job right then and there. “And take care of her body when she needs to go out.”

“What?” Akane cried, outraged. “No way! I'll never trust her with my body! She did enough today, who knows how many weeks the entire school will gossip about me alone! And that outrage with Kunou-sempai? He'll never leave me alone now...! And what would happen hadn't I arrive in time? You what? Would make me a baby? From Kuno...? Brrr...”

“Akane,” Rukia said in a warning tone. “You're flaring up again!”

“Ack!” Startled, Akane instantly lost all her righteous fury. “I'm sorry!”

“Don't tell it to me, tell it to her,” replied Rukia, pointing at the bed vibrating slightly as someone was shaking violently under it...

~~ End of Chapter 5 ~~

* * *

Thanks for C&C to:

— Ariolander (his presentation “Painting with sentences” helped me to transcend my limits)

A/N#4: To MehrereKartoffeln:
This fic was initially nothing more than one-shot (current chapters 1 and 2). I never intended to continue it further. I disagree that anime adds character depth, it just forces many of the characters look nicer and shallower than they are in the Canon. For the hair color, there are tons of indirect proofs that Ranma-chan's hair is black, and nothing to prove otherwise (since the color covers do not count — I think, the reason should be obvious). I have a page "Are they all color-blind?" where I collected a small part of these proofs: http://chebmaster.ru/rm09/hairblack_en.html. There you can see that the anime characters act as if they were color-blind in the situations where the hair color would be a dead give-away.
What's more, in Rumiko Takahashi's works almost all Japanese have a realistic dark hair. Just look at Inu-Yasha and other works of her.

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Поэтому — присылайте ошибки! =^^=